Adoption of the Weirdest Kind 2
by Molten-Ashes
Summary: Mirage names his baby, Patchy gets a cold, and the local authorities sigh, lock themselves in jail and groan 'Here We Go Again'
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers! Just Patchy and her new sidekick!

Please R&R

(Yeah... no excuse this time just a storage space for the one-shots that will feature Patchy and her new sidekick. enjoy!)

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Mirage named his new baby 'Bounce' after the baby hippo decided it wanted to somehow jump up onto the berth and proceed to use Mirage as a bouncy castle.

Hound was distinctly pleased with that arrangement.

Patchy caught a cold, Jazz pulled a very good impression of a fritzed Red Alert when he discovered his 'baby girl' trotting down the corridor occasionally coughing and shivering.

And the Local authorities sighed, locked themselves in the jail and groaned 'Here we go again'

Patchy sneezed again making Jazz coo and fuss over her as she lay with a blanket draped over her back. Her collar jangled as she shook her head and neck to get rid of a shiver, her tail flicking in a displeased swish.

Prowl sat on the rec-room couch reading a data-pad from Mirage, the top of the device had an odd chomp out of the edge.

"It seems Bounce has got into Mirage's supply of blank data-pads" Prowl commented as the exposed wires gave a vicious spark making the screen flicker with static before settling on the report again

"Aww, the baby was just curious, Prowl" Jazz said stroking Patchy's head from his sitting position on the floor beside the 'Giraffe's Corner' of the rec-room.

Patchy had taken a shine to the far corner where she could watch the TV and spy on bots coming and going from the room. Prowl and Jazz had built her something like a cushion fort for her in the corner though Jazz was upset his baby had moved away from her 'mummy and daddy' so early. "Anyway Bounce is just young, you know what Patch and Bounce are like together. They get into everything"

"Yes, including that top secret military document" Prowl replied with a roll of his optics remembering the incident that had nearly caused an international war.

Patchy and Bounce had managed to get into Prowl's office when the SIC had left to give Optimus some documents to sign and had left some Top Secret military data-pads and their paper copies lying on a low down side-table. Curious at the leafy looking documents Patchy had taken a nibble accidently knocking over the data-pad that had bounced across the floor, damaging the exterior and trampling on the digital keyboard, accidently engaging the automatic spell changer, changing vital words within the document.

When Prowl had returned Bounce was already trying to ingest the precious data-pad which was firmly taken away and replaced with the large Transformer sized ball that sent both young animals chasing after it in delighted distraction.

In his haste to meet Jazz for their evening energon, he had hurriedly checked the data-pad was not malfunctioning and shoved it in the out box on his way out.

Two days later, the American army had tanks sitting outside of the ARK. Red Alert had a field day wildly declaring it was a coup d'état as some jets from various countries had started to circle as well. Optimus in his outrage had demanded a meeting and the problem was quickly found.

Several sentences contained insults. Words that should have been used to sweeten up the receiver now contained various swear words.

Prowl blamed Jazz who in turn blamed his innocent looking daughter and her newly acquired sidekick, Patchy and Bounce were shoved by Red Alert out of the ARK and in front of the tanks. The puppy eye tactic worked like a charm. Some humans even came over and asked for pictures.

Red Alert was still hiding from the angry parents demanding what he would have done if the humans had decided to shoot.

Mirage had turned out to be a very fussy parent. He was constantly seen cleaning his 'baby' growling at anyone who tried to help. Nobles, it turned out, were very 'baby proud' as Carly had once said after commenting on Bounce's oddly extremely clean hide as the hippo and Patchy had been playing with their ball.

Hound was just happy to have someone to roll in the mud with, which in turn made Mirage happier to have more cleaning time with his 'baby'.

Wheeljack was forbidden from making another set of armour, though the collar he was working on was coming along nicely, only two explosions so far!

Being friendly rivals, Jazz and Mirage often tried to show each other up using their younglings, Prowl and Hound had given up after the fifth round of 'Who had the Cleanest Baby' competition, spurred on by the Twins of course, Sunstreaker would often judge the shiny looking animals and Sideswipe would dish out ARK-made rosettes. Patchy always looked a little surprised to be kidnapped from her courier duties to suddenly be brushed and 'buffed' up till her coat shone. Prowl would later give her a treat for putting up with Jazz's odd completive streak so she soon learned to like it.

"Earth to Prowl!" Jazz's voice jumped him out of his thoughts, a mental image of himself stamping a pede and pointing in the general direction of Jazz's voice now joined by another of Patchy's coughs.

"Sorry Jazz. I was reminiscing" the SIC said turning his attention back to the Head of special ops who now had Patchy's head resting on his shoulder plating the giraffe's eyelids drooping as she fought to stay awake "What did you say?"

"I said Ironhide is getting out of the Med-bay later after Carly over loaded him with stuff from IKEA." Jazz grinned, his visor giving an amused flash. "I think his ego was a bit bruised when it turned out his suspension was shot after the IKEA boys dumped the new wardrobe in him."

"A bit?" Prowl said giving an uncharacteristic snort of disbelief "He was still ranting about destroying the IKEA store and not giving a frag about the cheap but 'reliable' furniture, I don't think it helped that the shelving they sent him as a sorry gift snapped after he put one of his guns on it after just putting it up. That is _after _Red Alert had scanned it down to the atoms to make sure it was safe"

"We're transformers, humans will understand one day that our stuff is a lot heavier than what normal shelving can stand" Jazz shrugged as Bounce plodded into the rec-room followed closely by Mirage, blinking in and out of view randomly just so that Bounce could see him.

"You know I think he freaks out bots more now that they can see him coming" Prowl commented as the eager little hippo nuzzled at Mirage's ankle plating to be lifted when the spy sat at one of the other tables "On another note… Cliffjumper is still missing his right hand as Ratchet commented to me yesterday. Do you remember where we put it?"

The Saboteur shook his helm, careful not to jar a snoozing Patchy "Nah, I can only remember where we put the easy stuff, you know, Interface panel, helm, and his aft"

"The helm was an easy one," Prowl protested thinking it over tapping his stylus from his sub-space and making a few changes to the sparking data-pad's contents. "He didn't shut up long enough for us to suitably bury him"

"Oh! I remember!" Jazz suddenly shouted snapping his fingers, accidently startling Patchy awake who let out a bleat of fright causing Jazz to snap back into mother mode "Aww, am sorry Patch" he cooed scratching in between her horns to calm her "Forgive me?" He asked making a pathetic face at his baby.

Patchy gave a snort and then licked her 'mummy's' faceplate as Jazz fussed over her again

"Jazz?" Prowl asked rolling his optics

"We sent it to the Decepticons" Jazz said remembering slipping Cliffjumper's servo into a transformers sized envelope. "I seem to remember it was a third class stamp"

"You cheap skate!" Mirage called from where he was cradling Bounce in his arms, teasing the baby hippo's ears.

"Hey! I was low on change!" Jazz replied tucking Patchy more into her blanket and the padding on the floor. "Anyway, knowing our luck it got lost in the post, though it was nice of Carly to give up her electric egg whisk to use as a replacement while Ratchet constructs a new hand for him"

"Do you remember who you sent it to?" asked Prowl curiously looking over the bitten data screen

"Nah" Jazz said waving his hand in a dismissal manner "But I probably sent it to Hook, he'll think it's from Ratchet and send an angry letter including the hand back to us. No worries"

_**-The Nemesis—**_

"Starscream!" shouted Megatron in annoyance from his throne "Get in here now!"

Startled the Jet burst through the doors in a panic "What? I didn't do it!" he shrieked back only to pause when he saw no emergency before crossing his arms grumpily across his chest plates before continuing "I'm in the middle of a very important discussion! Skyfire and I were watching 'A Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy' through an open comm. and taking notes on how accurate the 'aliens' were to the ones that we saw when we were explorers and… I'll shut up now" he stopped his rant as a fusion cannon was levelled at him.

"Please do" snarled Megatron throwing a transformer sized envelope at the seeker, a third class stamp half peeled off at its edge "You got some mail"

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A/N: Hope you enjoyed :) Any suggestions on what I should do with them next?


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers

Please R&R

(Crack, Patchy, Jazz, Skyfire, Red Alert. Updating this as I haven't actually covered how Jazz and Patchy actually met. enjoy!)

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_**How Jazz met Patchy**_

The battle had been going well, until Jazz managed to get separated from the main skirmish.

"Come out Autobot" Skywarp called cockily as he stalked around a large pile of rocks, crushing the savannah grass underneath his pedes.

A low growl made him pause before giving a shriek of surprise as a huge lion pounced up onto the rocks and let out a vicious roar.

"Ha! Scared of a little kitty are we Skywarp?" Jazz called from where he was hiding behind a clump of trees

"Shut up!" the jet shouted back firing his null rays at the trees causing the Autobot saboteur to abandon his hiding place. "Get back here you coward!" the purple and black jet roared taking flight after the running bot.

"Come get me, you sorry excuse for a can opener!" Jazz hollered back as he evaded the Null ray blasts.

The jet warped with a howl of rage at the insult, reappearing ahead of Jazz, making the TIC squeak in surprise as they bowled into each other, the clang of metal on metal sending the African wildlife scattering with shrill cries or hisses of fright. Jazz groaned as they skidded to a stop, giving a yelp as the jet somersaulted him off of the Decepticon and straight into a rock formation, his helm clanging against a particularly sharp looking rock, knocking the saboteur offline.

Skywarp grumbled as he rolled up into a sitting position and turned a smug smirk at the collapsed TIC as he rose aiming a null ray at the frame. "Night, night!" he crowed his weapon powering up with a high hum, the muzzle's end gathering a ball of purple energy.

The ground started to vibrate, the air filling with loud trumpets and thundering strides. "What the?" Skywarp snarled turning "Holy…"

A large herd of stampeding elephants trampled over him, sharp ivory tusks nearly piercing his wings as they knocked him flying.

_**-Some time later-**_

Booting up…

Error… Complete reboot of all systems…

Parental programming online…

Visual centre online…

Jazz groaned as he onlined his optics finding himself staring at a rock face, his own pink energon dried on the heated face of the grey rock. His helm ached and one of his audio horns was broken and sparking. Something was licking his other horn…

He flinched as he moved the thing beside him giving a startled bleat and back pedalled away as he concentrated on not slamming his face back into the rock, placing his servos under him as he managed to right himself with a groan of pain.

He glanced around and jumped when his optics locked with the frightened ones of a small baby animal with a long neck. His HUD sprang into action, scanning the creature and placing a circle around the creature in his vision, the small tag attached reading 'My Sparkling'. His old files of nurturing Sparklings coming to the forefront of his processor; nearly blinding him with the familiar files that he had referenced so many times when raising Bluestreak, it was funny... he didn't remember creating this sparkling or even placing her spark into its femme frame for that matter.

His baby was covered in dirt and looking up at him with wide cute brown eyes, her tail swishing to keep the flies at bay. He crooned to his new baby, the sparkling flicking its audios forward and wearily stepping forward craning its long neck forward at the low lullaby he was singing. His sparkling's soft muzzle nuzzled his plating, before a long blue tongue shot out and trailed across his plating. Jazz gave a winning smile carefully picking up his baby and cuddling her to his chest.

He suddenly took notice of where they were…

"Oh, my Primus" Jazz muttered in mortification "What'll Ratchet say if I told him I somehow brought you along" he assumed, his fingers stroking his sparkling's back as she gave a soft coo at the attention his was lavishing on her. "But first… what did I call you again…? Delilah?"

The giraffe wrinkled her muzzle, tongue flicking out.

"Okay… Patchy?"

The femme gave a bleat wiggling in place within Jazz's arms.

"Patchy it is" Jazz said, pleased as he stood up "Now… how to get you home without the others finding out I somehow brought you here in the first place…"

_**-Landing zone-**_

Skyfire wasn't pleased that Jazz had knocked him out before the other Autobots had come back. He had woken up to see Ratchet berating Jazz for getting clocked on the noggin, dragging the oddly fidgety saboteur towards his backend. He was sure something was moving back there…

_**-The ARK-**_

Red Alert sat in his chair watching his beloved camera monitors like a hawk watching a rabbit. The others had returned from their mission in Africa, Optimus and the others reporting straight to Ratchet's medbay. He spied Jazz creeping down the halls, his helm badly dented and leaking energon and sparks, followed by, what appeared to be a giraffe sparkling. Red Alert looked up from his bank of monitors and rubbed his optics.

When he looked back Jazz's little follower had disappeared.

"Huh… maybe Inferno was right" the paranoid Security Director muttered as he began to watch the movie playing in the Rec-Room again through his monitor "I do need a vacation"


End file.
